Passion

Today was a wonderful day! I was telling my YL team the other day that I think I have a sign on my head that says "I'll have a conversation with anyone." I was in the grocery store today and I had a conversation with the produce guy and then some old lady just about their days and the weather and i just absolutely loved it! It's so fun just talking to random people. Anyways so after I went to the grocery store I met up with Edward at Starbucks to talk about our independent study. While we were at Starbucks we were talking about INVEST which is his nonprofit that he works for and then I found this gem of an article on Facebook about missions. I liked this article because although a lot of people feel called to go out to other places to do missions, some people don't realize that we also are called to do missions here and be excellent in our jobs to glorify God and make His kingdom known.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/26398-we-need-boring-christians

For some reason I've been really conflicted recently about missions. I feel like around this time every year missions always come up and my heart goes crazy every time. From any experience I've had, mission trips are some of my favorite times, I've been out of country once for a mission trip and to four different places in the U.S., which to me is not enough but I digress. Not only do I love serving people but I also love traveling and the interesting thing about mission trips is that I feel like I'm more blessed and served when I leave than when I first arrive. If you had asked me last year what I was going to do this summer I would have said going to Africa or if you asked me last summer what I wanted to do after I graduate college I would have said "going for a year to a Caribbean island and being a missionary" (or village helper- as I sometimes say haha sometimes I don't like the word missionary- that's a whole other rambling thought). Well now you're probably wondering what changed or what are you doing? This summer I'm interning at Mobile Meals and after I graduate I have no earthly idea maybe go to an island and serve or maybe do this cool internship with Knoxville Fellows and get seminary credit while serving in Knoxville. AH even while I'm typing this out I'm conflicted. Visions of little children in Africa or any other country just pull at my heart strings and I want nothing more than to go there NOW. I want to hold them and love them and take care of them. I want to be immersed in a culture, I want to live with the people, I want to do life with them, I want to show Jesus to them and worship Jesus with them, I want to eat with them, I want to cook for them, I want to laugh with them, I want to cry with them, I want to be there for them, I want to go not for just a week not for just a month but I want to go and I want to be a part of their families. I know it has to be hard to give up the American life and I know it has to be hard to not have a lot and I'm not naive to know that I have become accustomed to a very nice and spoiled lifestyle. But I still can't help but want so badly to go and serve just for some period of time. While I write this my heart is bursting - I think it's because I want this so badly but I'm also just so conflicted. I looked up what the definition for passion is in the dictionary and here's one definition: A state or outburst of emotion.....Obviously there is some kind of passion for me to go an serve. But here is where the conflict comes into play. What about here? What about the 16 million children here that go hungry? What about my college education? What about using the tools God has given me to talk to people both lovingly and business-like? What about helping a non-profit that helps the children in other countries or even this country? What about PR, marketing, event planning, fundraising? Should I stay here and be excellent in my job here like the article talked about? What am I going to do when I graduate?

I want so badly to have the answers. And I want so badly to go overseas somewhere and be immersed but for some reason it hasn't worked out- I wanted to go this summer but nothing emerged and out of nowhere the Mobile Meals internship came into place and I feel like that's where I'm suppose to be this summer. But I cannot deny this passion for going and being immersed in another culture. Sigh.....I suppose that's where passion comes into play and where being passionate for the Lord and His will, will take care of this conflict.

I told you in my post about myself that I have a difficult time with control and not knowing the Lord's plan. But I found these verses and they do seem to give me peace in times of conflict.

Psalm 62:5- Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

I urge you, if you have passions don't ignore them because the Lord has put them on your heart- they have made you unique. And remember whatever you end up doing, do it with excellence.

With all my love-  Cam